Funny, You're So Sad

Here is the link to the article.

     I haven't read the article yet. However, before I do, I will take the time to say that this entire post will be about the linguistic style of David Hill because I feel like I've been getting off-topic as of late. I will be right back.

     Back. Hill used a fair amount of rhetorical devices which is actually better than most of the Times Columnists already. However, it was not to the point of abuse so that it took away from what he was trying to say. An example of one would be the providing of examples. He would do it indirectly, never coming out and rattling off a list, instead telling his story while he did so. "The more comedy shows I went to, the more I began to think like a comic. Every insight I would have, every observation, every anecdote, I subconsciously turning into jokes. The scenes in my real life played out in my head as stories told on stage framed by a spotlight - each beat followed by a comforting blanket of laughs from a sympathetic audience," (Hill). He expresses his longing for a comedic experience in which he nails his jokes and is recognized as a good guy.
     You have to feel bad for him; David Hill has been through a lot. Not to sound pretentious, but I like the fact that he doesn't dwell on his losses. He offers the information without remorse, coolly even, without looking back. He has an it-is-what-it-is attitude, and you can tell he doesn't want to trip over the minor details that could potentially take away from his plot. Douglas Adams once wrote something along the lines of "I never got the hang of Tuesdays" in The Guide and never mentioned it again. Not throughout the entire "trilogy". David Hill's voice was smooth, almost relaxing if it were not for his revelation of the truth of most comedians. His use of pathos and ethos compliment each other, however, there is an absent of logos. Let's be honest though, there is little logic in comedy ( I am not hating I swear). Anyhow, it was a nice read, and it actually had some lyrical worth. Check it out.

An Abundance of Exoplanets Changes our Universe

Here is the link to the article.

     I have often thought about this. What is out there? Who is out there? There is no doubt in my mind that there are other life forms out there (Hawking has almost proved it statistically) but the question that lingers is where are they, will we find them before we die out, and if we do find them, how could we contact them? There are many more that I don't wish to talk about including should we talk to them, or will they be able to understand us? Mark my words: there is non-earth life out there. Watch this and argue statistics with me, I dare you. Until we find each other, life goes on. That is all I have to say about that.

     I think this article is a bit useless. It is asking us to appreciate the Universe as the writer sees it, which is all the stars that have been studied and named when in actuality, we can never accomplish that goal. NEVER! Space is expanding too quickly! We physically cannot capture all the stars within the observable universe (about 13 BILLION light years because that is about the time of the Big Bang) and then record all the ones that were recently spawned. Think about that: there is actually something out there that is quantifiably impossible.

     Take a look at the map of the observable universe shown in the video. Those lights aren't just stars, or galaxies, but THOUSANDS of galaxies! There is so much out there that I cannot even describe it. It surpasses the ability of the human mind to comprehend, so why even try? Plus, we don't even know exactly how much is beyond our view! I thought that the article was a good thought and a step in the right direction, but it was an ENORMOUS understatement as to the size of the Universe and the discoveries we've made. There is (as usual) nothing spectacular or otherwise to discuss linguistically in the article. It was written with an awestruck tone, which leads me to believe the author is easily astounded. To end, I would like to leave the reader with a couple of theories. The first one says if ever anyone discovers exactly what the universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory that states that this has already happened. These are the products of the eccentric and genius mind of Douglas Adams. Goodnight.

The Tender Bar as an Addition to the AP Curriculum

     Yesterday, I went skiing. On the three-hour drive up to the mountain, I forgot where I was. I didn't know that I was going skiing with my cousins who I won't see for months because they're going to Sweden. I didn't know that the day that we picked was the day that the lift tickets were only ten dollars, and that it just snowed the perfect amount the night before. I was consumed. I was engrossed within a memoir that isn't. It does not recount the J.R. Moehringer's life thus far. It presses rewind and repeat.
     Never have I read a book so rhetorically sound. A work like this comes around very rarely, and I am lucky enough to be cherishing it today. I didn't even choose to read the book; Mrs. Fay said something like "Here Jimbo read this", and off I went. I was dreading the book. Everything about it seemed alien. I didn't like the look of the author, the title, really anything about it. Without reading a synopsis, I jumped right into the prologue, with my usual negative mindset of books that I don't want to read.
     In ten pages, I was hooked, reeled in, salted, and served. I have never read (or at least taken notice of) a book so rhetorically rich. A line I found particularly exciting was "Of course many bars in Manhasset, like bars everywhere, were nasty places, full of pickled people marinating in regret," (Moehringer 7). This was the first great example I came across. All of a sudden, as I was reading an unexceptional introduction, I was hit with a perfect line. The word "marinating" is so expertly placed that I had to stop reading to appreciate its value. As I carry on reading, the word continues to present its true meaning to the reader. Dickens, Moehringer's favorite bar, is a tool for outlining the true definition of the verb "marinate" because of its people, its relax at all costs attitude, and its atmosphere. The air was described as the color of beer. There are countless amounts of examples of words that can describe everything in this book. That is the way Moehringer writes: he tells the hideous truth beautifully.
     Mrs. Fay, I feel that I have learned more in the first 113 pages of J.R. Moehringer's The Tender Bar that in any other piece of literature we've read in class. For next year's class, I would recommend one memoir of the student's choice and The Tender Bar. Your job will become one billion times easier and your students will be handed fives on the AP exam, I guarantee it (that is not a guarantee). The moral of the story is that everyone should read this book, and I cannot wait until the sweet end.

Edit: This book just made me tear up, right here in the middle of history class. I have strong doubts that this will ever happen again as I didn't imagine it possible to begin with. This shows just how spectacular the book is, and I implore you to experience it.

A Long Overdue Rant on Scheduling...AGAIN

     Yes, I ranted about it before in response to Kelly's article in the Mariner. Today is one of the worst days of all time. I can only think of two others so bad. Today is terrible because I have a physics lab to do. The highest grade I've ever gotten on one was a B-. I have only not gotten a perfect score or above perfect score on one of Doc's tests which proves that I know the material thoroughly. Why the f**k should I have to do a lab that takes three out of my four days off to do? It pisses me off to no end. It's not that I'm mad at Doctor DeFranzo; it is a part of his course. I am ticked off because I got forced into doing this garbage. The guidance department and the administrators responsible should have been fired for the atrocity that occurred. My peers and I have been put at a disadvantage that cannot be undone. I would've thought that the administration would at least try to stay on the ball with NEASC right around the corner.
     My year is a joke. I am not learning anything. English is the only class I consider remotely challenging, and that's only because of the work load, not the content. Why should a kid who sleeps through a level one class he was forced into, yet still gets the highest grade in the class, need to do the busy work that comes with level one classes? Work will be the death of me. As long as I am learning, work is no big deal. But when it gets to the point that I know the concept, I need to move on or else I go insane. The only productive part about physics is that I practice sight reading music all the time. I haven't learned anything because I'm not compatible with the class. I only know one other person in my class who gets the material like I do, and she feels the same way as I do. Oh and there are a couple in the other level one that got forced in like me who also treat it like a study and get A's. It is too hard for me to actually concentrate on this stupid, pointless lab that I really just feel like guessing with the numbers because I know that even if I got a zero on this lab I would still have an A. I can't do this. F word. To summarize, I wish to learn, but my school will not allow me to. I am ashamed to be graduating from Hanover High.

The Whirling Sound of Planet Dickens

Here is the link to the article.

     Dickens is pretty chill. The thing that bugs me about this is that whenever I think of him, I automatically think about the Doctor Who episode about him. Also, when he's being interviewed on the "tele", it's quite funny. He says something along the lines of this year's special will involve ghosts of the past, present, and future all at once! It was funny because time had collapsed and all time was happening at once and was about to deteriorate into nothing! Speaking of which, this year's Christmas special was miserable. I strongly disliked it, which is sad because I loved last year's so much. It was too sappy. Last year's was straight up sad, but this one was the feel-good story of the year. I did, however, like what they did with the trees and how they have souls and spirits. Also, I liked the Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe-esque feel, specifically the box.
     But let's get back to Dickens. I thought that they kind of described him as a 19th century rock star. He partied, was crazy, and was extremely successful. This is somewhat in contrast to the Doctor Who bit, in which he seemed very inquisitive. Actually that might be because he met a Time Lord. But in the article, he seems like he has every answer to everything. He seems so self-assured that he needs to wander the streets in search of new questions that need answering. This he probably considered to be his life's aim. It is not a bad one if you ask me. Dickens is probably one of the most interesting people to ever live. I wish I could talk to him for just an hour to gain some his wisdom in writing and in life. I liked the line, "Every night he walked a dozen miles, without which, he said, 'I should just explode and perish.'” However, I think the real beauty lies in Dickens' character. The article was a pretty good read, and surprisingly well written. I would  recommend it.

Unnatural Landscapes: The Human Impact on Earth's Surface

Here is the link to the article.

     I am no tree hugger. I will never sit outside a college (or in Boston) in protest of the destruction of the environment. There is nothing I can do to stop the spread of human growth. It is way too late for that. But these pictures are just wrong. Look at the pile of tires. Stephen Hawking has never used numbers that large. Here is a question for the AP Environmental Science class: what's up in Canada? I would bet that they would have no response. There is just an abundance of environmental problems. In real life, the environment is being torn apart right under our noses (remember that dull Patterns story, The Secret Life of Garbage?). My response? Oh well. Too bad. Too soon we will have to pack our bags and ship out to some planet at the edge of the universe. Hopefully science will develop to the point in which we actually have the ability to do so. Maybe Hawking will find the answer to stabilizing wormholes. Maybe. These are some pretty huge problems, and I don't know about you, but I don't want to end up like the people in Wally. Moral of the story is to keep pushing for astrophysics because environmental scientists aren't doing us any favors. Remember that actions speak louder than words.

Happiness Is.

     Have you, dear reader, ever been in a good mood? I mean an exuberant, walk-on-clouds mood for no good reason whatsoever? Well, it doesn't happen often, but I'm in one. Though my face lacks the smile that one would expect, my thoughts have aligned. It cannot be explained by any doctor; I am just happy. I didn't even have a good day. I was asked a lot of deep questions that I haven't come up with answers to from people I wouldn't expect to pose them. This might have to do with it. I often obsess over ethics inside my head, rarely revealing what I come up with. This time, I was put on the spot about something I have never noticed. The question was "Can I just be replaced?". The answer is yes, and I know and accept this, but why? Can everybody? At least the majority of the American population could I believe. This, strangely, does not disturb me. The person who was down about this question. Why? In fact, I find it comforting that there is someone who will be just as good as I am at living life. I am happy with what I've done thus far, and I am proud of every word I've said. I don't have a single regret because if anything had turned out to be slightly different, than I would be an entirely different person. That is frightful. I am happy right now, and because of that, I love everything that has happened to me, for better or for worse. This perfect utopia that is my mood should never be broken. Euphoria  is coursing through my thoughts and limbs at the speed of sound, floating on, delivering good news to all who care to hear. The most perfect thing about this post is that, at most, eleven people will read it. They are eleven people that I trust and value. On that note, I am off to better myself. Have a wonderful night.

Stephen Hawking, "Equal to Anything!"

Here is the link to the article.

     Stephen Hawking has always been a huge inspiration of mine. About a year ago, I watched a ridiculously long documentary of him that focused primarily on his work on black holes. It was interesting and informative. It covered everything from the dark monsters to string theory to greater dimensions. I watched Curiosity with Stephen Hawking, a fantastic production that disproved any sort of creator. Click here if you want to watch it; I will not argue any more about whether or not there is a god. He is one of the visionaries of the modern age, and he held the Lucasian Professor of Mathematics for 30 years at the University of Cambridge. He is an extraordinary human being, and this biography about him will certainly assist us at holding him in the highest regards.
     I learned a new word today: fetter. It is a chain or a shackle. This is perfectly appropriate for the title of the biography. Although Hawking may be immobile due to illness, his mind is very much free. I thought the excerpt from the biography was rich. One would probably think that such a book would be a bland story about some boring physicist's life, but there actually is some really beef (meaning drama) in his life. Actully, this article didn't tell me much I didn't already know. As we move into 2012, I cannot wait to see what Hawking discovers concerning life, the universe, and everything.

Also, his first wife wrote a book of memoirs, if I can find it I will read it.

New Rules for the New Year

Here is the link to the article by Bill Maher.

     I went into this article expecting a serious list about how poorly structured and impractical the average Joe's New Year's resolutions are, and was blown away at its content. Instead of the stone-faced truth that I wanted to read, I was instead given a comedic group of ideas that all were unique. I don't follow the presidential race (although I should, I can vote for 2012), but I know just enough to actually understand the jokes. Only, any time Rick Perry is mentioned, I start foaming at the mouth, so I didn't actually like all of them. I thought that Maher raised a good point in the beginning. Why must New Year's resolutions be about self-improvement? Can't you help your family or community? I think that people sometimes forget that running every day isn't the only thing you can do to make yourself feel good.
     I enjoyed Maher's poking fun at online journalism. I agree that people documenting the clothes that celebrities wear should constitute the returning of a degree, but also removal from Earth. There is nothing more that I can't stand than the news feed I see when I log onto my Yahoo email. For instance, today, the first article I saw was called Dennis Rodman's Racy New Job I skimmed it and it is about how some basketball star is now coaching a topless woman's league. Simply put, I do not care about Rodman or some stupid basketball league. While I find Yahoo especially guilty of this, it is surely not the only site that puts out such news. My sister watches E! News and whenever I hear it on in the background it ticks me off. The stupid host's voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard, and despite my best efforts, I cannot restrain from telling Maria to watch something good, possibly Doctor Who. I also thought that the one about the natural disaster was funny. I particularly liked the line about them being "swallowed up by the earth". It was a quick read, I would recommend it for something to do. Nice job Bill.

Duh! 11 Obvious Science Findings of 2011

Here is the link to the article.

     Scientific American strikes again! This time around, we have a hilarious article with something to actually discuss linguistically! I know, right! Okay, the article contained eleven apparent human and animal behaviors that are proven through science. All of them were confirmed, hold on, actually, I think it would've been funny to put one down, such as "99% of adults get hammered on New Year's Eve" and then disprove it. They probably have an article like that somewhere, but I'm not going to dig for it right now. My favorite one was smoking pot and driving is not safe. I wonder what they did to disprove it, I mean smoking it is illegal, so how are they able to put it to the test? Hmm...very suspicious indeed. I also wonder how much these tests cost, when in actuality, we didn't need them at all. I realize that it is never safe to assume in science, but come on. Pigs like mud, okay? Why else would they sit in it all day? Did they get stuck? Someone, somewhere spent a good deal of money to "determine" if these things are true.
     I think there is beauty in these words. The sheer simplicity is what really turns the reader on. Read just the titles of the findings. All of these could be a major part of a stand-up comedian's routine. I believe this was to further articulate the substance of the article. Keeping it short, clean, and crisp was the aim, and it was achieved well. If you haven't noticed, I've been writing this blog in contrast; I am quite wordy and I tend to run on. Anyhow, I would highly suggest reading this article, as it is a great break from most of the depressing "Outrage" articles us Language and Composition students often write about.

The Beginning of the End

     I sit here listening to Soul Meets Body, thinking about the new year and the last one. I cannot bring myself to say the number 2012. It just feels so remote, almost robotic. I accomplished so much in 2011, more than any other year in my life. Almost nothing went wrong, I can't even name anything that did. Chronologically, my favorite parts of 2011 were picking up the tenor, the Annapolis trip, and all the new friendships I've made. 2011 was the year I learned how to sort out the good people from the bad. I learned how I am going to conduct myself, who I will allow to be around me, and what I want to do in life. 2011 was a fantastic year, for it was the year in which my life came together. Although I have never had any physical problems, I have been wondering mentally, and I decided exactly who I am with much difficulty. I am not ready to leave it behind.
     2012 has been dubbed doomsday. December 21 is coming. I cannot wait to see what the media makes of it. I will be all over Cracked and the Times all next December. The Earth is not going to end. Do some research. Nothing will ever change; it never does. This is what I am afraid of: I go to school on Friday, December 21, and get wrecked by some drunk redneck who prefers to listen to mainstream media (see the outrage effect) than to listen to the logic of scientists. Astronomers agree that Planet X will not hit, nor pass near Earth. Nice try Nancy Lieder, but you are confused and a filthy liar. You cannot communicate with extra-terrestrials. I wish you could, if we could only find them. Recall the Random Monkey Theorem. But I'm getting off topic. I want the public to understand that the world will not end. No matter how hard I try, I will never hear the end of it (until December 22) because the news can go to town with it. So many whispers, they will say any of them can be correct, when truthfully, astronomers have already disproved it. But nobody listens to reason anymore. It is even claimed that the date will be a positive transition! Make up your minds! As far as science is concerned, nothing will hit the Earth. 2012, you are not the scariest thing since 2000. You are a phony who will only stir people into fear.

Reader Response Blog: Bless Me, Ultima 4

     Well, I finally made it. I spent my vacation skiing, repairing and playing an alto from 1931, and reading Anaya's Bless Me, Ultima. I feel pretty good right now, actually. I think I have accomplished a lot this Christmas break. However, this cannot change my dislike for the book. It's not even that I hated the book. Instead, I disliked it, and as a result, I consider it a waste of time. I wish I read it all before break started so I wouldn't have wasted my precious relaxation and practice time.

     The worst things about this book are its espanol and its world views. One of the (numerous) things that grinds my gears is when a person is over religious to the point where they constantly talk about it and they impose it upon the people who don't care about it. Sorry, I'm a "sinner" and it will never change. In your eyes at least because I think most of the things that I do are perfectly acceptable; I have never really hurt anyone, committed a crime, drunken or done drugs. I get good enough grades and I try as hard as I can. I want people (Anaya, Catholics) to stop telling me that I'm doing something wrong simply because I'm Protestant and don't go to church. Christianity is one of two major world religions that actively recruits. I think the other is Islam, but I could be mistaken. Anyhow, I am a good person, I work hard, and I am seeking a productive career. I felt like Anaya was criticizing everybody, Catholics and non-Catholics through the entire book. It was hard to connect to it because I am not Catholic, not religious, and have no connection to the llano. I am polar to Antonio, and for this reason, I have not enjoyed the book.

     This book never really had what people may call the "It Factor". I was never stimulated by its pages and the only time I ever felt any real emotion was when Narciso was killed. I felt sad and sort of annoyed that Anaya would kill off the most interesting character in the book. From there on out, all hope was lost. It was actually hard to finish the last pages; I had to mentally push myself. Bless Me, Ultima was a horrifically boring read, and I would not recommend it to anyone, ever.